Some things are hard to forget

Recent conversation I had with a boy I once knew:

Boy: "I guess I did call you a moose once (that's right people - a moose), but I think I meant it in an affectionate, friendly way."

Me: "mmhmm."

Boy: "I mean, you did ask me what kind of animal you look like, right?"

(Now, before I respond to this, let me make 2 points:
1) I am not so stupid as to ask that question. Especially of a boy who I am supposed to be interested in, and who I hope doesn't think I look like a large, ugly, clumsy animal. That has about a 99.9% chance of going wrong.
2) Even if I had asked that, is that really any kind of excuse? Besides the elephant and the whale (and maybe a possum), is there a worse answer?)

Lucky for him, I have an amazing memory only for things that other people wish I didn't remember, so I was able to respond to this with 100% certainty:

Me: "No, I did not ask you what kind of animal I looked like. I was asking you if you wanted one of my baby muppets (A gift from my friend Splann - they adorned my bookcase), and you pointed, and requested the moose."

What happened next here was that I got really confused - because do you remember a Moose Muppet? Neither did I. But what else could he possibly be talking about, right? So with my great look of confusion, I turned back to my bookcase, and searched for the moose. When I turned back around to say that I wasn't seeing the moose, he was still pointing. And as I looked at the excusing finger, and followed it's path with my eyes - a path that lead straight to myself - my question about the moose muppet kind of slowed and then got stuck in my mouth, and then I believe my expression probably changed to something like horrified indignation - because his changed from confident nonchalance (oddly enough), to one of "uh...wait... was that wrong? (wheels turning, wheels turning)".

Me: "And then you looked scared, and said, "...I was just trying to think of what animal you look like.""

(At this point, I'm pretty sure my expression got worse. And I was speechless.)

Him: "Well - a moose is a funny-looking animal - so it was funny, right?!"

Me: (sigh) "I just hope you've learned from this."

The truth is, it was funny. Because it was so shocking - shocking that a full grown man would not know that this may not be received as cute as it was intended to be.

The reason this all came up is that I was talking to a friend about dumb things men say - about insults when they are trying to be flattering. There were many, MANY examples (not just mine - but good ones from friends), but when this anecdote popped into my head, and I shared it, she found it the most shocking of all. It may have been my reenactment of my reaction - but she was laughing so hard that she was crying, having trouble breathing, and falling out of her chair. So when I told this boy that I had nearly killed a coworker by sharing this story, do you know what he thought? He focused on the first part of the sentence, and really believed I had nearly killed someone in my office. I mean, a moose, ok. I can see where you get that - but a rabid moose? Come on. Don't I deserve better than that?

(p.s. My dad's pet name for my sister when we were little? "SweetPea". And what did he call me? "Moose Breath".

(p.p.s. I had already started writing this down when I read this today. I like it better. So glad I'm not the only one!)

my brain talks to itself, but it doesn't listen very well

Example conversation of my brain talking to my brain:

Brain: "hmm. My lips feel chapped. My skin must be dry - the air must be dry in here, I'll get some lotion."

a few hours later:
Brain: "geez... I keep putting on the chapstick, but they still feel SO CHAPPED."

an hour later, while visiting the bathroom at work:
Brain: "What the hell??! Why are my lips all swollen and peeling looking? How did I not notice this before??"

Brain drifts back to some 4 days before... Discovering a bag that hadn't been used in quite some time:

Loud Voice in Brain: "Ah! I forget all about this chapstick! It's fancy Aveda chapstick, with built in SPF 15! Perfect for my day outdoors.

Small Voice in Brain: "wait... I almost remember something about this..."

Loud Voice in Brain: "Oh, and it feels so good! How did I forget about this!

Small Voice in Brain: "Was there a reason maybe I stopped using this..."

Loud Voice in Brain: "So creamy... and it smells so good! mmmm...."

Small Voice in Brain: "Like maybe an allergic reaction? Was I allergic to this?"

Loud Voice in Brain: "YUM! I will take you with me, and reapply you all day long!"

And back to the present while staring at swollen, pealing, freakish looking lips:
Brain: "Ah. Yes. Funny I didn't remember that earlier..."

I didn't throw it away. It's out there somewhere waiting to be rediscovered in a bag again... and I bet my brain will not remember it all over again, and again be delighted over the awesome discovery.