I can't remember if I wrote about the little eye cream mishap I had a couple of months ago. To recap, a makeup lady (when are they not causing trouble?) went out of her way to stress how much it would mean to her if I would please please use eye cream. So she gave me some for free - because this was very important to her. And I started to use it. And the more I used it, the more I realized, "wow, I really do need this eye cream" - because the skin around my eyes was not looking so good. So I lathered that stuff on. And it looked worse. So I became very diligent in my lathering. And pretty soon my eyes were red and puffy and peeling, and a friend took one look at them and said, "It looks like you're having an allergic reaction." And then the teeny tiny light bulb in my head came on and I stopped using the cream, and my poor little eyes began to shrink back down to a normal size and color.
Recently I bought a new chapstick - and I decided it was the best chapstick ever. It smelled delicious, and it felt so good and soft and creamy when I put it on! So for the first time ever, I paid attention to where I put that chapstick, and did not lose it within it's first two weeks with me. And I used it! I used it all the time. I've never had a big problem with chapped lips - not like my sister. When we were younger, she the corners of her mouth would get cracked, and I would tell her it was because she drooled all the time. I told her that she couldn't tell that it was happening, but that everyone else could see that there were pools of slobber resting in the corners of her mouth all the time. And she believed me, because that's what younger siblings do, which is their most redeeming quality. And then I could gloat a little bit because my own mouth would always remain nice and uncracked. Well, lucky for me I got this lovely chapstick just before I started experiencing my own bought of dry lips! Suddenly I really needed this chapstick, so I used it. And I used it more. And more and more. And yet the problem just got worse. It got so bad that would think I was living on a fishing boat in Norway, and not in hot, humid, Georgia in July. Pretty soon, smiling was a problem. And then it was eating - because you have to open your mouth to put food in it, and it seems that this causes your lips to stretch. And as anyone who knows me knows, you had better not mess with my meal time. So the other night I was dousing myself in chapstick once again, when finally, FINALLY I remembered the eye cream incident, and I furiously wiped off my mouth. I've been carrying around a small container of vaseline ever since, and keeping that stuff all over my mouth. Because it took one day away from my lips falling off my face to figure out that there may be a problem here. So yesterday at work I was training a new guy, and all the time he's asking me questions, and I'm just sticking globs of vaseline all over my mouth. I'm sure he wasn't frightened.
Already my lips are looking less leprous, so I'm pretty sure I've found the problem. Thank you, big brain of mine. Nothing gets past you!
Seriously, is there a boot camp for one's big brain muscle? Because I'm afraid that thing is atrophying away. Wait, can the brain be considered a muscle..? See what I mean?!!
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