I've been trying to make a big decision this week, and as a result I've been feeling a wee bit tense. In fact, if it weren't for my friend the tylenol p.m., I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have slept at all Sunday night. The question is: where to live next? To continue to rent, or to step into the adult world of ownership. To lapse back into the college house with the big front porch and the tight living quarters, or to have my own neat little space. To never have time to myself or to always have time to myself. To have to move again in a year (and I hate moving), or to feel trapped into one place. To live on the cheap and always have money to buy crappy food or a pretty dress, or a spur of the moment plane ticket just cause I want to, or to be so poor that I might have to sometimes pretend not to be hungry when I go out to eat (as if anyone would believe that).
On one hand I have people telling me there will never be a better time to buy, and on the other I have more than one friend telling me that they're afraid I'll be sad and lonely on my own. I kinda thought I'd like to be on my own... but wait - would I be? Do they know better than I do?
It's a tough life for the indecisive.
So after a night of mind-racing thought processes on this, of pretty much making up my mind that I was going to go with the group house, I talked it over Monday with my favorite co-worker. I told her how I would have to rent a storage unit, because there would be VERY little space for me in this house, and my other worries over it - and the buying, too. She gave it some serious thought, and then asked me this question: "These girls you could live with? They know other people?"
"Yes. I think they would be fun to live with."
"Then, I think you should live with them. Then you find a husband. Because then they have people (here you spread your fingers out and mash together repeatedly, to represent people coming together) - you know, and more people, and then you find husband! You have better chance find husband this way. You find him then you go buy!."
ah. Yes. That should have been my first thought. A year to find a husband among their friends to buy me a house - isn't that maybe just a little bit much to count on? Not to mention a lot of pressure for one year.
She has expressed confusion about my friends and family on more than one occasion, by the way. It goes like this: "Back in China, we introduce my sister someone we think is nice. Then she and that boy marry. We always do like that. I don't understand why your parents not find husband for you??!" Genuine confusion. Anyway. The weird thing is, instead of thinking, "Ah, yes, this would be a nice social opportunity!" it was shortly after that that I made up my mind I was going to buy and be on my own! This "do the oppostite of what someone tells you to do" mentality I have really can't always be good for me. But that's another problem.
So yeah, I was just as sure I would buy as I had been that I would rent the night before. Until my dad fired some questions at me that night and scared me back into indecision. Where I still remain. At this point, my brain has reached it's maximum attendance level, and is seeking refuge by looking for other things with which to occupy itself. For example: "hmm... I'm in a wedding in 3 weeks, how am I going to wear my hair? If I try to do it myself it will be a summer frizz-ball, maybe I should do some internet searches for salons in the area! Yes, that sounds like the best way to use my time!"
I have been told by coaches and teachers from my youth that I was an oddly highly focused child. What happened?
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