Oh wait. Computers don't do that! And if one did, let's face it, it wouldn't this computer from the '80s that I get to work with every day. Most of the computers here have been updated in the last year, but I still get to enjoy the old total screen freeze followed by an incredibly slow restart process multiple times a day. hmm... I seem to have gotten onto a different strain of complaining here... where was I... ah yes. I guess I had a little bit of panic here, because I received this very intelligent email alerting me to the dangers of not wearing protective eye-wear while starting into my computer every day.
The same person that sent out that email about coming into work even though we wouldn't have email because the power would be off for 5 hours - that email that I appreciated so much that I may have commented about it here - sent out a threatening email yesterday! Are you ready? It's really mind-blowing stuff!
It seems that he had some free time on his hands yesterday, and therefore decided to walk around the labs and assess the level of safety goggle wearing that was going on. Of course, he found a wide dearth of goggles on faces. And then he wrote us this lovely email about it. He made some witty comments about how we must not find them stylish enough, and then stated that we would "ware" what we have or get new ones, but safety goggles will be worn, by golly. And then he copied and pasted in the part of the employee evaluation that addresses following the rules. And every time the word "critical" was used it got bolded for emphasis. And then there was a threat that would would be penalized on our reviews for not wearing the glasses. But now that I'm reading more carefully, it doesn't actually say anything about goggles, just about following safety precautions. So are there really safety guidelines out there that say I need them for staring into a computer all day? I doubt that. But that doesn't really seem to matter, because we like to make general, widespread rules around here and apply them to everyone. It is much easier to say "everyone must wear goggles!" so then you can just expect to see them on every face, then have to discern who actually needs them and who doesn't. As for letting the employees decide for themselves when they need safety goggles and when they don't... are you kidding? That's absurd. We cannot think for ourselves around here. Unless it's sciency. And then you are on your own.
The email ended with this wily statement, "Perhaps more audits are the answer." An "audit" around here refers to having one of our own employees go around and look for things people are doing wrong and writing them all down. It's a source for much stress for some people, but I've never understood the hysteria. Yes, I'm sitting at my computer without safety goggles, and yes, you are writing it down - now what?
So, at this point you are probably thinking, "blah, blah, blah - I get it. Just wear the goggles and stop complaining already." The thing is, I can't. I really really can't do it. It doesn't make sense! And I have a real problem with being ordered. I don't respond well. But combine being ordered with something that makes absolutely no sense, and there's a big wall that goes up in my brain and I can't get around it. No matter what happens to me. It's the principle. I stand by my "these glasses do nothing for my computer work" principle. And actually, they hurt it. Because this is not fine glass we are talking about, this is cheap plastic. That makes things a little bit fuzzier. So trying to read and discern fine points on test results while wearing these things is just going to make me squint a lot and hurt my eyes.
In the past we've had the occasional tour come around, and we are all ordered to put on lab coats and goggles so that we look all professional. I have actually tried to argue with them before on this. The coat, ok, but do we really want them to see my sitting at a desk on a computer wearing big plastic safety goggles? Won't they just think I'm stupid? That's what I would think. We want them to think we are smart, see? But they didn't listen to me. So I wore them a few times and after that I picked up on the fact that if you wore regular eye glasses you didn't have to have the goggles. So when a tour came around, I would run out to my car, fetch my driving glasses, and wear those while I had to. And yes, I did feel that I had won a small victory. But this email tells us that glasses will no longer count. Because they don't have side protection. Which I will really need, once my computer starts shooting acid in a curving projectile, coming in from the sides of my face. That's right Mr. Decades Old Computer, I know how you think...
5 comments:
Hysterical! I think you should write a sitcom!
I can sympathize. I was nearly fired many years ago because I refused to "stretch and flex" with my co-workers each morning. Our corporate safety directors had become overzealous about injury prevention and were apparently concerened I might pull a hamstring while typing at my computer all day. Now if they can show me a stretch that prevents papercuts, I'll jump onboard the bandwagon. Until then, my motto is "Don't let the bastards grind you down!"
At my company, we also are required to wear safety goggles and every several months, an external group of people come through to make sure we are all being compliant with safety regulations. Well, I was walking down the hall during one such occassion and saw my co-worker wearing goggles that were all fogged up and holding a capped tube in his hand that he was looking at. I started laughing, mostly because he never wears safety goggles so he looked funny but also because they were all fogged up and he couldn't see anything. Then, he looked up and shifted his goggles slightly so he could see who was laughing at him. He then commented that he was just following "safety" regulations and did the quotation marks with his hands. Apparently, wearing safety goggles takes precedence over being able to see.
G.W. - Did they really take you through a morning exercise routine just like elementary school or are you playing with me here? As someone who is treated like an 8 year old at times, I can no longer tell truth from fiction.
Blay - Walking around a lab blind is not safe! It is the opposite of safe! One could walk right into a bunsen burner and light themselves on fire. I will add this to my argument.
I'm serious as a heart attack. Every morning 50+ office employees gather for 10 minutes in the main lobby and stretch our arms, shoulders, hamstrings, calves and most importantly our wrists. Sometimes there's music. Sometimes we throw in some classic dance moves (the sprinkler, the lawn mower, etc). Then we all pledge allegiance to Karl Marx and get back to work. (jk about that last part.)
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