This morning at work we had a great big pot-luck breakfast. What could possibly go wrong? That's what you think, right? That's what we all thought, too, but we were mistaken... you see, CheapMan was 5 minutes late!!!
Where could he have gone? Why was he walking out the door when the breakfast was about to start in a few minutes? And he left his keys! He never leaves his keys! I'm really worried!
These are ridiculous and annoying questions/statements, yes? I think so, too. But they were quite dire to Vienna Sausage Lady.
However, the problem of him not staying in clear sight did not compare to when he came back (all in one piece) with not milk, as he said he would be bringing, but a PLATE! OF CHEESE! And GRAPES!
Now, if you've ever wondered how much time a person can spend talking out loud about why a person would have brought cheese when they said they were going to bring milk, let me tell you - It's a lot longer than you might think. I mean, a person is capable of going on and on about this. Not just for a few minutes, but for a few dozen. So, while you are sitting there at your desk hearing the words "cheese", "milk", and "5 minutes" over and over again, you can either get annoyed, or you can pretend to listen and let your mind wander.
I took the latter route, and let me mind wander to a little anecdote my friend Mona told me while we were in Spain. It took place a long time ago, when we were in middle school, and this is just one of the great things about having friends you've known for a long time. Something funny can happen to them, and you get much enjoyment out of it, and then years go by, and you forget all about it, and then you hear the story again and it's like hearing it for the first time! You get to laugh at them with the same genuine mirth you did all those years ago. It's wonderful.
You must remember that she was 13 or 14 at the time, which multiplies the magnitude of embarrassment of any situation. One day at school, young Mona went to lunch, dressed up and looking good in a cute top, skirt, and pantyhose. Now, in the cafeteria, you walk through one set of doors, and then you must walk by and through all the tables, which are seating the entire middle school - 6th, 7th, and 8th graders. At the very top, you get to the teachers tables. And then just past the teachers tables, there is the salad bar. Mona was at the salad bar, helping herself, when a high school teacher she didn't know came up to her.
"You're a little hiked up there," unknown teacher woman said.
Mona replied intelligently (and really, what would anyone think that meant?): "What?"
"You're a little hiked up there."
"What?"
"You're a little hiked up there."
"What?"
"Your skirt is tucked into your pantyhose."
And that afternoon in class, her then big boy crush made this oh so mature and well scripted point to her in front of all their peers: "At least I didn't show my butt to the whole school!"
Ah yes, at least I didn't show my butt to the whole school. Those words still haunt her today.
She says this is her most embarrassing moment... so I hope she doesn't mind me writing it down here... hmmm... but it's not like it's shameful and pitiful like my most embarrassing moment. I don't have the courage to write mine down yet, maybe one day, when my brother stops reading this site for example. But I was thinking, perhaps we could get a theme going here. I'll tell Mona's, and then you guys could tell yours, and if you do, I'll tell you mine. So that means you Blay and Lob. Kevin and Splann. Brock. There aren't many more of you out there. Leigh, you said you would guest write, right? Come on, it can't be as bad as mine.
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