My roommate hates me and wants to make me fat(ter)

Yesterday afternoon I was at work, and I was HUNGRY. I had a lighter lunch than usual, and by the end of the day, all I could think about was what snack I could have when I got home. I mentally went through the contents in my kitchen, and concluded that my only choice was yogurt. Not particularly exciting, but not the least healthy choice, either. Yay. I want yogurt. This is what I keep telling myself. But in the back of my head, I’m wondering what I really want, and the only thing that comes into my head is the word “cookie”.

Well, as soon as I opened the door to my apartment, this sweet and wonderful aroma burst forth and enveloped me. I followed it, I followed it without thinking. I didn’t pause to put down anything I was carrying – I just let my nose lead me, and it led me straight to the kitchen. And this is what I saw:


My roommate had the nerve to make homemade, chocolate chip cookies – TONS of them – and them leave them, all warm and smelly, and most importantly, all alone in our house. I desperately needed a pair of eyes – any eyes would do – just one pair to keep me too ashamed from devouring all 500 cookies.

It was a miracle that so many of them survived the next several minutes.

And then today, I get home, and again I am greeted by a savory kitchen smell. This time it is this:


What is she trying to do to me??! She must be intimidated by my beauty.